6 Jun 2010

And Then I Checked The Vitamin Bottle….

Remember the vitamins I got a while ago? Remember? Do you? Man, did they ever kick in! I mean it’s only been a couple of weeks and already, who needs sleep? Those little suckers along with the huge amounts of coffee I drink are really hitting the switch. It’s as if I was, like, young again, you know?

I was hardly, like, sleeping before I took the flight to over there but by flight time I had all but forgotten what it was. In fact I was, like, hyper, you know? A twelve hour flight with the drinks truck only appearing three times wasn’t going to cut it.

“Excuse me Miss, but could I please have one more coffee? I really, really like coffee and I’ve only had 6 cups - and could you please bring me some more sugar ‘couse I’ve used all I had in the other coffees I’ve, like, had so far and I can't have coffee without an absolute whizz of sugar – what? No, I haven’t had enough coffee – didn’t we just have this conversation about whisky? Trust me, coffee has no effect on me at all because I can drink coffee all day long and still just go right to sleep as soon as you put the lights out – say what now? They went out two hours ago? You sure? I still seem to be seeing fine, just fine - aren't you? Seeing fine? Wait, wait! Did you hear that? What was it? Can you hear that? A sort of nac, nac, nacking with a high pitched weeeeeeeeee – well, it could be just an eeeeeeeee – I didn’t here it start so it may not have started with a W. Sir, can you hear it? Sorry? Oh. Madam. Can you hear it? You can’t hear anything? You sure? I’m sure I…… anyway, I neeeeed a coffee please – I have to take this vitamin pill see – well, s’pose I could use water but it don’t taste of anything do it? It’s just wet stuff - and you stopped letting me have Scotch with my coffee an hour ago – why are you so worried about what I do to my own body by the way? Just a quick glance at your good self would suggest you don’t follow all the healthy options you feel obliged to press on your customers. What? Okay, okay, coffee it, like, is then. And a water chaser. I can still hear something strange though……..

After that there was a week of screaming awokenesse’s and a flight from down there back to here. I was pretty much to the point where a plane was not strictly necessary for the return trip. By the time I got back to here from down there, I was, like, beat and didn’t feel so young anymore and decided to drop using ‘like’. I mean, like, from me, it sounded so, like, un-cool, yeah?

It was about this time that the lights came up from very dim to dim, and I vaguely remembered the conversation I'd had in the vitamin selling shop. To confirm my worst of thoughts I tentatively reached for the vitamin bottle. Yup, there it was – black and white – one tablet a day. Now where in the world did I get the idea it was three tablets three times a day? With coffee. I may be sleeping a while…………..

Quote; P. G. Wodehouse.

Alcohol is a misunderstood vitamin.”

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