And Then The Spiders Went

The spiders seem to have gone only to be replaced by lots of very small black flies. I guess that makes sense; spiders out, flies in.
This is an account of a bit of conversation I had at work and the sort of thing that slowly drove me nuts during my stay in Thailand. This was with a steward at breakfast on a crew change day.
Me; "Eggs, bacon and toast please."
Steward, later; "It's ready, I give you special; 2 piece toes."
Me; "Great, thanks. You go home today?"
Steward with worried face; "Noooo."
Me; "Oh, another 2 weeks?"
Steward frowning; "I tell you I give 2 toes."
Me; "Yes, right, OK fine."
Steward with big grin; "I go home today."
Me; a sigh and groan.
And this is one that you may like that I have had for some time and can relate to, no problem;
The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and
room-service at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the
Far East Economic Review....
Room Service (RS): "Morny. Ruin sorbees."
Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."
RS: "Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??"
G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs."
RS: "Ow July den?"
G: "What??"
RS: "Ow July den?...pry, boy, pooch?"
G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."
RS: "Ow July dee bayhcem...crease?"
G: "Crisp will be fine."
RS: "Hokay. An San tos?"
G: "What?"
RS: "San tos. July San tos?"
G: "I don't think so."
RS: "No? Judo one toes?"
G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo onetoes' means."
RS: "Toes! Toes!...Why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we bother?"
G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
RS: "We bother?"
G: "No..just put the bother on the side."
RS: "Wad?"
G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."
RS: "Copy?"
G: "Sorry?"
RS: "Copy...tea...mill?"
G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all."
RS: "One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish moppin
we bother honey sigh, and copy....rye??"
G: "Whatever you say"
RS: "Tendjewberrymud."
G : "You're welcome."
The other thing I never got used to is the fact that over there if you ask a question they will answer it. I wasn't aware before going out there how the answer to a question over here is so complicated and covers just about every eventuality.
This sort of sums it up. A buddy of mine drove out to look at a temple and saw what was obviously the pay booth. He stopped at the booth, wound down the window and asked where you parked to see the temple. He was told to drive a further 400 meters to the car park. Having done this and walked back to the booth he asked for 2 tickets to see the temple. The reply was, "Temple closed today."
But you see he didn't ask if the temple was open or not, he asked where you park your car if you want to see the temple and got his answer. Now over here he would have got the whole lot in one go plus a whole bunch more.
I was sitting with the laptop on my knee a week ago when it gave a loud pop and shut down. I thought it may have over heated so gave it a while and tried starting it again; nothing, as dead as the proverbial Dodo. Slipped it into a repair shop and got a call 2 days later asking me to collect it. They turned the thing on and.........yep, your right, it fired up without any problems. Beats me. And the repair man. They were still good enough to charge me 10 Pounds for the privilege of pressing the on button. OK, lets be fair, they pressed it again to turn it off.
Oh, and I tried the wireless modem again and found myself back where I was way back; can't make it connect at all now. I'm lost on that one so for now I have a cable stretched from the dining room to the sofa by the fire. This is fine but the wireless is starting to be just a challenge and I hope, one day, to report that I have beaten it and got a connection.
Down to London for the day; trains are OK aren't they? 44 Pounds return seemed like a good deal to me. If there had been seats on the 15: something or other it would have been 30 Pounds.
And the train seemed almost new, with nice seating and even sockets for laptops, so if I had known that before hand I could have taken this little laptopfella' and watched movies.
What interested me most was getting a drink from the buffet car. It's not called the buffet now of course, I can't remember the name but it was something very continental and naff sounding complete with a food and beverage manager. Buffet, for a train, says it all for me.
Anyhoo, off I tottered to get me a coffee. One medium cup please, black, no milk and no sugar. Pardon? A spoon? No thanks, there will be nothing to stir. The coffee was in a waxed paper cup with a firm plastic lid. The guy behind the counter then started to place this in a natty little carrier bag. With the environment ever in my mind and being brainwashed into a state of terror regarding global warming, I declined the carrier bag. I was told that all purchases had to be put in the bags; Health and Safety given as the reason. I was then given the warning to be careful as the coffee cup could fall over in the bag and pour hot coffee down my leg. This is obviously some thing Health and Safety missed in the planning faze!! The answer? I was handed the bag, took out my coffee and asked if he would take the bag back. This was fine as he had done his part of the dance for my Health and Safety, given me the bag, and as such the bag was now legally mine to do with as I wished and if that happened to be to give it back to him, well, that was just dandy. Oh dear, oh dear. But I was proud to have done my bit, that day, for the future of the World!!
Sooo, off to Cambodia. Security was a little easier this time and I got through without my lighter being confiscated. They did, however, seal it in a little clear plastic zip lock bag. It was a tremendous relief to find we were all made bomb proof by this simple action. No, realy, what are they thinking about? Drinking water? Can't take it through at Humberside, but they then sell you a bottle in the departure lounge. You carefully keep hold of this for the long flight and then, another rule change, they take it off you in Amsterdam!! Do they just recycle all the bottles they find without the seal broken back through the shops? But, like I said before, if that's what we are told will keep us safe who am I to argue? Oh, and no upgrade to business class......again. It's a long time since I had an upgrade and far from being a snob, what a difference it makes sitting in, compared to cattle class, the absolute lap of luxury!! There's even room to move your arms and wiggle your toes!
But I do make use of the business class lounges now. I never did for some reason. I get in with my frequent flyer card which now has enough points to let me use the lounges. That helps when you get a long wait in Amsterdam; low, relaxing lighting, free drinks and snacks, comfy seats, TV, and no hoard of people. Not bad at all.
Christmas soon and so I wish you all every happines and all good wishes and good luck for the New Year; take care you all, you here?
Quote - Rodney Dangerfield;
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hadn't met me yet.