And Then, No New Resolution….

…for the New Year. But, and for me it’s a big but, but I haven’t had a cigarette for six weeks plus a little bit of a week!! You’re what? Pretty underwhelmed to learn of this? Well, let me tell you, I’m pretty overwhelmed and proud of me. I think I done good.

I bet you’re all reaching for your smokes to settle in to read how I achieved this, right? No? Go read somewhere else then, and you, you who’ve stumbled in here for the first time, got to the word ‘cigarette’ and started waving your hand about and grimacing. Yes, you! Reading the word ‘cigarette’, even out loud, won’t hurt you, okay? But, just in case, go! And go quickly!! Go get something sugary. Hah!! There you go then; too darned late!

Where to start for anyone still reading. Will the beginning work for you?

I guess I’ve been close to a pack a day person, or a pack an hour when accompanied with strong drink, for as long as there’s been my time but periods of enjoyment where always preceded and followed by periods of work involving frequent, quite extreme, physical exertion. I guess this nullified or purged the toxins? Just pant the pesky toxins out. I’ve always been reasonably fit. Even when I was pronounced dead during my last work related medical.

However, after retirement and thus just partaking in relatively limited periods of light exertion, sofa to food; food to sofa, the minimal panting generated is possibly insufficient to purge those pesky chemicals and such.

Two things made me move towards the stop sign. One is the obvious; I mean, really, have you seen the price of the damn things? I’m a pensioner and still can’t get ‘em on prescription and, sadly, I live in an area that seems to be devoid of white vans. Two, with limited daily exertion, I was getting a tad fed up waking of a morning – no I wasn’t. I’m delighted to wake up in the morning but fed up wondering who’d put all the weights on my chest.

So, one day, while her outdoors was checking-out at one of they big discount stores I noticed a rack of these and thought, what the hay, let’s try one. Have I tried these dealy-bobs before? The puff and throw type I have indeed tried. And? And there were always proper smokes to hand which were always reached for. And therein lies the rub.

This is how I did it…. sorry, how I’ve done it to date. The first and obvious prerequisite was a serious wish to quit. Then, no proper smokes in  the house; keep ol’ e-jobby** where my pack used to reside, by the backdoor {No, I didn’t smoke in the house} and so far so good. I just follow my smoking routine substituting the real thing with ol’ Mr E-jobby and I honestly don’t miss the proper stuff and, and this may sound phoney but it’s true, I feel relatively fit again with a weightless chest for breakfast. I also seem to have a strangely large amount of money in my  pocket at months end. 

** The kit came with a 1.6% little brown screwy on thingy. The 2.2% screwy on thingies are more the biz. For me.  By the way, the 1.6 and 2.2 are a percentage of 100% of something or other. Shop around and you’ll find the little brown bits a lot cheaper than those advertised.

So there you go, I’m feeling better, better off and am now contributing just a tad less tax to the exchequer than I was six weeks plus a little bit of a week ago which has to be good! Pardon? They want to tax or ban what now? You’ve got to be kidding me! You know what? Let’s keep creeping towards that EXIT sign a-winking and a-blinking over there on the left-side of this stage……

Quote;  Audrey Niffenegger.

“Why do you have a cigarette lighter in your glove compartment?" her husband, Jack, asked her. "I'm bored with knitting. I've taken up arson.”